Queen of the Worst-Case Scenario is a blog based on my overly cautious, default personality setting. And because a lot of people in my life find my rants on dating, work, and social justice shit amusing and necessary (respectively), I'm here. I gotta stay lowkey, though, because a sista still got bills.

I don't understand the question ???

I'm a late bloomer. I spent most of my life working real hard to be this "good girl" that had been drilled into my head from every Sunday service/Wednesday Bible class/youth fellowship day/ladies' seminar weekend at church growing up. 

Then, my dad died and I took a good look at my life and got pissed. You mean to tell me I turned my boring, basic, bare-faced ass nose up at nails and make-up and weaves and sex positivity for...this? Lonely and unsure of myself at, uh, let's just say hella-grown-and-too-many-years-old. Ok then, time to try something else. So, I've been learning to do my make-up, having more fun with thotty outfits, playing with weaves, and finding dope nail techs. And this week, for the first time, I approached a guy. 

I was at Trader Joe's with my mama and walked past this guy with pretty eyes. I really don't even be liking light skinded dudes with light eyes, but he was cute. So, while we were in line, I got out of line to go tell him he had pretty eyes. Dassit. I walked back over to the register where we were checking out. My mom starts laughing because she knows how I am and the cashier asks what's up, and my mom says, "Nothing, she just went over there to flirt."

"Ooooh, with who?" I mean, damn checkout lady. You really in my business, I guess.

"Your cute co-worker." Thanks for filling her in, mom.

"Oh! He's such a doll. He really is so beautiful, but he's also beautiful on the inside! He's such a good person. And he's single. Ya know, if I were just 30 years younger..." 

Now, they being loud as hell and he's not that far away, so I see him pretending to mark down inventory, but he is chuckling his cute ass off and stealing glances. I'm not even gonna try to pretend we ain't talking about him, so I just laugh with him. THEN THE CASHIER NEXT TO OURS CHIMES IN, "Who are you guys talking about? Leon??" Hooomygawd, can y'all not? Damn!

First cashier: "Yep, isn't he the best?"

Second cashier: "Yeah, he really is. Such a good dude. And he is really attractive and has no clue that women are always checking him out. We're always telling him and he's always like, 'Who? Meee?'"

My mama: "Oh, then they have that in common because she is so oblivious."

Alright! This has all been very cute, can we go now?...but you know what? Before we go, fuck it. Hand me that receipt so I can write my number down.

First cashier: "Uh oh! Uh oh!" She was practically jumping up and down and clapping, lol.

I walk over to him and I'm like, "Well, since we've thoroughly embarassed you by talking about you over there, here's my number. Give me a call, if you want." And then I got all flustered and walked away all fast anshit. Smh.

Did he get in touch? Why yes, yes he did. But um, here's the thing: how petty is it that his texting style makes him less attractive? I mean, it's shit like "Hey, it's Leon from Trader Joe's. Almost lost that receipt ??" and "I moved back home for a girl, but that didn't work out, so I moved back out this way. Now I'm happy again ???" and "I haven't seen 'Black Panther' yet but it looks so good ??" 

My nigga, I don't understand. Are these questions? What is you doin ??? 

She spits hot fiyah

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